I am obsessive. If something catches my eye and brings a gleam to it, I will find myself gravitating towards it. I light up as I delve deeper and deeper into it until just the mere thought of it brings a sigh to my lips and  my heart flutters. That's what happens when I think of Dan and Blair from Gossip Girl. I LOVE them so much. They make me smile and giggle. Their banter, their conversations, their attraction for each other... makes me happy... very happy!

And after the crazy, horrible finale of Gossip Girl this last spring, I have immersed myself with the community, trying to find solace within the web pages to satiate my thirst for Dair until the next and final season comes this October. And fortunately, I have. The stories have definitely captured the relationship's essence and got me falling in love with the duo all over again.

Then it got me thinking...

What do I want out of a relationship?

When the time comes, when I realize that the risk of breaking my heart is not so bad compared to not having the guy in my life, what is it that I want from him, from me, from us?

I already have a list of the characteristics I want him to have, but once he's present and real and more than willing to be with me, what do I want from the relationship?

I want there to be an open dialogue between us. I want to be able to talk to him about anything and everything that comes to mind, which is a lot when it comes to me. I also want him to do the same with me; to feel free to share his thoughts, dreams and hopes for his future and hopefully ours; to never feel as if I would dismiss anything he has to say. Yes, I know that guys rarely talk, at least not as much as girls do, but I want us to be comfortable with one another to talk freely without the fear of judgment or repercussion.

This trait is kinda tied in with communication but is very important to me that it should be emphasized a bit more. There's a little double standard going around where girls can be honest about things and all hell breaks loose if the guys even think about doing the same. Well, I can't promise him that I won't want to choke him when he's being truthful but I rather be mad now then later on when whatever has been bothering him has caused both of us to be pissed. I hope he tells me that something is annoying him before he snaps at me and finds himself spooning the couch that night (trust me, I'm not above that). I really don't want him to hold back on saying things to me because he doesn't want to upset me. I don't want him to put me first and not give me the chance to do the same for him. A relationship works best if there is compromise from both parties instead of one doing all the sacrificing.

Common Ground
The foundation cannot be built on some flimsy, weak material; the relationship won't last long. The foundation should be built on a common ground that is firm and will hold up when everything else fails. When life throws us lemons and we can't make lemonade quick enough, our cornerstone will keep us together even when we think quitting would be easier. Dan and Blair's common ground is the arts. Their common interests drew them together and they just built on that and created Dair, a relationship I thought I wanted. But, I don't want that. Yes, I want us to have similar interests but those won't keep us together in the long run. In fact, I would be the one to throw books at his head whenever he's infuriating. So, it just came to me, God would be our foundation: He was here in the beginning and He will be here when everything ends, why wouldn't anyone build on Him who is everlasting? I'm just saying: stick with the One who has made it through everything.

There are other things I want and need from a man who will ultimately become my husband: father-material, attractive, good-looking, compassionate, sensitive, has a good sense of humor, passionate, goal-oriented, flexible, resilient, fun and the list goes on and on but the three things above are not options at all. They are requirements and #3 is a necessity that is non-negotiable. 

It's important to know what you want or at least what you don't want. So I ask you, what are your non-negotiable requirements when it comes to a relationship?

1 comment

  1. I can't believe you wrote a post about Gossip Girl! I enjoyed reading it; especially the traits you seek in a relationship. I think a solid foundation is the essence of great relationships. It's what gets us through the dark and low moments. And having a relationship that begins with God and includes God is my non-negotiable requirement.