Book Deal

          I entered the restaurant and saw Rae sitting by the window with someone.

          That's weird she didn't say another person was joining us, I thought.

          As I came closer to the table, I realized that Rae and Melissa were in an argument. Well, not exactly an argument. Rae was pleading to Melissa about something to which she looked adamantly against. Melissa kept shaking her head to whatever my sister was saying and neither of them noticed my presence.

          I cleared my throat and said, "Hi."

          They both jumped at the sound of my voice and quickly pushed aside their conversation in order to greet me. As I sat down, Melissa signaled the waiter to our table, and he took our orders. Once he left, Melissa asked me about pleasantries and I answered them halfheartedly because my sister took nearly all of my attention.

          Rae was bursting with something. Her eyes glowed with a secret she desperately wanted to share. All the while, Melissa asked me about my day, Rae sat there with a huge grin, barely sitting still in her chair. No one should be that happy and not say anything. Is she pregnant again? At my quizzical look, she opened her mouth but closed it quickly under Melissa's glare.

          Confused, I looked to Melissa and she sighed and said, "The other day, your sister told me that you wrote. Later that week, I happened across the site and believe me when I say this I didn't suspect that you wrote this well. Your blog is amazing, Lindsey. It blew me away."

          "Aww, thanks Melissa."

          Rae began to speak, but Melissa cut her off.

          "Usually bloggers are amateurs at best. But you have an eloquent and mature voice that hooks your loyal followers and I believe can be easily translated to a broader audience."

          "You're really too sweet, Melissa. I appreciate your kind words but..."

          My attention was drawn yet again to Rae. She had her hand pressed against her lips, which were obviously forming a smile. What is up with this woman? And why hasn't she said a word since I've gotten here.

          "So have you thought about making this a career, kid? Melissa asked, bringing me back to the conversation."

          I smiled broadly, and shook my head. It's crossed my mind plenty of times, but like my love life, it was a dream that may never be realized.

          "I've never thought I had the talent to do this professionally. At least not now," I replied.

          Melissa laughed at my response and said, "Don't put yourself down. Your gift is plastered all over this blog, Lindsey. So much so that I am surprised that no one has approached you about a book deal before now."

          Rae was now hopping in her seat and Melissa shot her a look. She froze and started laughing. Her friend couldn't help but share in her obvious joy.

          Then everything made sense. Or almost did because it couldn't be…

          My eyes widened and they both laughed at my incredulous face.

          I closed my gaping mouth and shook my head at their smiles.

          She couldn't be…

          I looked to Rae, "You're not pregnant?"

          She shook her head no.

          Oh God...

          "Lindsey, I would love to have you as a client."

          "Are you serious?" I couldn't possibly… Could I?

          Rae nodded her head vigorously as Melissa said, "You have everything needed, Lindsey…  All you need is me to make this a reality for you, and trust me I can."

          "She can," squealed Rae. "Oh my, yes she can, baby."

          "You really can't keep quiet can you, Rae?" Melissa asked

          She beamed at Melissa and I said, "No, not with something this juicy."

          We all busted into laughter.

          "I'm surprised I lasted this long," Rae said as the waiter placed her food in front of her.

GRE

Vocabulary and spelling has never been my best suits.

Memorization is not the best way for me to learn; my brain just jumbled and fumbled with all the useless words and I didn't excel on those quizzes during elementary.

But in high school, when I had a list of words to learn, we had to put them in sentences that would help put them in context, especially when I used one of my friends as the subject of those sentences. She didn't like it too much, but that's what happens when you're friends with a writer: don't be surprised if you see a character that looks just like you.

Trust me, one of the ways I passed Organic Chemistry was to make up stories for why certain chemicals acted the way they did in reactions. For example, Oxygen has so much love to give that it can take up two partners at a time (corny, I know).

I had better and more scandalous stories than that but that stressful time is now blurry to me. And thankfully, behind me.

Anyway, when I had to study for the GRE this past fall, I had to find ways to put real meaning into those endless definitions. So, I wrote poems and they helped.

It was hard to use those words but once you do, it isn't too hard to remember them.
Again, they are corny but it helps.
If you find a way, you'll find that you actually like learning.

This one is written for the books
What I have dreamed of
When I was a little girl
This right here
Is kismet, fate
So kiss me

No, I don't want to be grounded
To be pedestrianAnd never see a giant's face
Or chase the horizon
No, I don't want to stand still
I want to fly with dragons
And kiss the stars

I would rather you think I was prosaicA bore of a thing
Instead of allowing my tongue,
With a single fluid roll,
Betray my mind and reveal
That I am a cacophonic mess
A myriad of aimless thoughts

When has your heart become so calloused
When did it decide to take up residence on such an obdurate, desolate route
You know feed on tears instead of being moved
What happened to you?
Who broke you?

You bounce with such levityI'm afraid that if I try
I can't touch you, you ephemeral being

Wind and unwind
Wind and unwind
Like the sinuous ocean
Nipping at our feet
Luring us towards its depths
Wind and unwind
Until we just come together as we used to before

Encouragment

I love my friends. I wouldn't exchange them for anything at all because if I didn't have them, then I wouldn't have me.

I tell them constantly that they are stuck with me forever and a day (it's actually longer, but I didn't want to scare them off)... They laugh at my proclamation but then they see my face... I'm serious because

My friends ground me.

Whenever doubts and fears encroach my mind, they simply look at me (and see me apparently) and tell me that I'm being crazy, that I have nothing to worry about, shooting down all my invitations to pity parties.

And I like to party! But I can't do it by myself (actually I can, I repeatedly bust a move with no music on).

They refuse to indulge me in nit-picking the person I am. It's kinda infuriating: they have so much faith in me, so much so that I feel like they're the crazy ones. I'm the one who knows my limit. I'm the one stuck with me all day long. I know what I am capable of and what I'm not.

I'm a mess of flaws and insecurities but they see my potential and some have literally shaken me so I can see how great I am. I probably have a few loose screws up there (maybe that's why I'm crazy and can't focus for too long)...

I'm the total opposite of Rachel Berry from Glee.

Rachel knows and hones her potential. Since birth, she has had her mind set on one thing and one thing only: Broadway. She takes dance classes, voice lessons and joins musicals in order to attain her dream. In her mind, she is going to be a star and she prepares herself for that reality. There is no plan B.

It was Broadway or nothing and nothing's staring Rachel down when she chokes at a NYADA audition.

NYADA is her golden ticket to her aspirations. She can't deliver less than perfection but the lyrics she breathed since she was little fails to come forth. Her voice fails her and it dawns on her that maybe she won't get what she wants: to get into the school and onto the pathway towards Broadway.

Rachel's devastated.

With that one disastrous mishap, her whole being was in question. If she can't sing, if she can't perform, then what else is there to do? There is no plan B for Rachel.

I've had many identity crises and I have yet to treat those worries and doubts the way Rachel did.

She sang.

Rachel serenades to her soul. She comforts herself, and although her dreams seem dead and lifeless, she tells herself to keep hoping, to keep holding on, to keep on.

In the beginning scene of that video, Rachel writes: NYADA is my DESTINY!!!

Mind you, she just flopped her one chance of getting admitted. But it wasn't the end for Rachel. She wasn't ready to put a period there. That wasn't going to be her legacy: quitting because she failed that one time. Rachel wasn't ready to let her vision die.

Luckily, I can say the same because of my friends, who keep speaking positive words into me.

This past year, I have tried quitting before I even started many times. There was this one point where I tried to convince myself to try again next time. But the funny thing is, I'm not guaranteed a next time. Today, right now is what I have and I thank God there's a need within me to try today, to try right now.

Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, you'll want to quit and try again another day when you're stronger, older, better, more stable. But why don't you try doing the little you can do today?

It starts with baby steps. I know better than anyone how much you want it, whatever your goal or dream is, now but the process cannot be rushed.

It can be frustrating though and disheartening, especially when it seems like things aren't going your way. But it can't be rushed.

So to pass the time, I'm gonna pick up my own pink and green pom-poms and help cheer myself up, like Rachel does for herself and my friends do all the time for me.

Just think about how far you have come, then get excited to see what else is just around the bend. And while you wait, tell yourself you're awesome and dance.

Well, at least that's what I like to do =) Just don't give up on yourself. You never know when you'll reach your breakthrough.