What's Holding Me Back?

I've been ice skating twice in my life. The first time I clutched the railing. You couldn't tear me away from it. I wasn't ready to fall. I didn't want to get hurt. But as time progressed, I could let go and skate a few feet without giving in to the urge to holding on to something.

The second time, I went back to that railing. It had been maybe 3 years since my first time but deep down I knew I didn't need that clutch. But it didn't stop me from holding on as if my life depended on it. And it didn't. Not one bit because I was good enough to do it by myself. However, I didn't let go. And before I knew it, I got hurt. I punctured my finger on the railing and started bleeding.

Then it hit me: even when you're playing safe, you can still get hurt.

Next, I got mad. I was trying to protect myself from falling, from getting trampled, from scrapes and bruises and it was all for naught. I still got hurt doing something that I thought would keep me safe. I removed myself from all the busyness and chaos in the middle of the ice rink and still got hurt from the sidelines...

What the hell?! That doesn't make any sense....

But it does... playing it small doesn't help anyone, especially you. (Marianne Williamson)
Somehow, you still get hurt.
So this lesson made me question myself and my motives...

Why not go all in, immerse yourself with life in its entirety?
What is holding you back?
What is keeping you from moving forward, from taking that step, from facing that risk?
What is holding you down, rooted in one spot, as fear chills you senseless?
What is it that forces you into complacency, satisfied with watching the world pass you by?

And trust me, you aren't happy watching the sun and the moon, the stars and the people around you, both young and old, especially those around your age, move with the freedom you wished you had. But you try to convince yourself that you are okay as time slips by.

That mediocrity is your life. That what you have and who you are is the best that you can expect. That you have reached your limit.

That nothing special is ever gonna happen to you because you are just plain ordinary...
Nothing is ever gonna change

What is it that has you so confused?

Because whatever it is, trust me that it isn't something new. (Ecclesiastes 1:9-11)
Yes, people are different. Yes, you are unique. But, the things that are scaring you at this moment has frightened someone else too. This doesn't take anything away from you; it should just encourage you to get through this because someone else has done it before. You can get through anything with Him who strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13)

He believes in you, so have faith in Him. Reach out and know that He's reaching out towards you too, ready to catch you.
Don't let the lies that you tell yourself build your downfall. Allow His truth and love define who you are and what your destiny is.
If you trust in Him with all your mind, heart and soul, He promises that when you are near the edge of uncertainty/darkness and you walk out in faith:
There will be something solid to stand on or you'll be taught to fly. (Barbara J. Winter)


  1. The simplicity and profundity of this post really gets to the core of the things I'm dealing with right now. Thank you.