"You want to take the easy way out because you're scared and you're scared because if you try yourself, there's only you to blame... Life is scary, get used to it... There are no magical fixes, it's all up to you. So get off your butt, get out there and do the work... Nothing in this world worth having is easy."
Dr. Kelso
Scrubs is one of my top favorite shows to watch. If it makes me laugh and teaches me something at the same time, then I am hooked.
And I learn at least one new thing each time I tune into an episode. I highly recommend you to watch this series. Forget about the last season, forget about it! Trust me, if there's one thing that you will begrudgingly learn about me is that I am usually right and I will hold it over you if you don't listen to me. I'm really good at saying "I told you so." So watch through season 8 and you will highly be satisfied.
Well anyway I digressed. Let's get back to the point.
Point!: Well the other day, I had lunch with a very good friend of mine, O, and we were talking about romantic grand gestures, where a person lies everything on the line to reveal their feelings to someone. Then he looks over to me and says, "You're going to do that one day."
I scoffed at him and said, "Hell no." Why would I put myself out there to be possibly rejected by a guy I really like? I would rather (
and I have) buried my feelings deep within me, stifling the slightest flutter from a butterfly's wing whenever I see my crush come by. I can't do that, tell him how I feel. Despite my sunny disposition, I am really a very pessimistic, negative person. It would never work out for me. He'll firmly and kindly turn me down and leave me to crawl under the nearest rock to die of humiliation.
I should look on the bright side and say that it's good that I won't be kept wondering about the what ifs, I won't have any regrets and that just crosses off one more name, narrowing down the list, bringing me one step closer to my man, the love of my life, my best friend. But you know what, sometimes the light doesn't reach me in my very dark hole.
Besides... Romantic grand gestures, or as a matter of fact, any relationship takes something out of you. You invest yourself hoping that, with the best of you and the best of the other person and everything that is good in the world, you can have a partner for life, someone to hold you and love you for the rest of your life.
But life happens and shows you that simple fairy-tales can't work in this very ugly world.
I realize that I can't keep giving up a part of me that isn't a guarantee. I can't keep losing myself.
However, how can I live?
It's such a
Catch-22 (
awesome book, by the way). Life is such a predicament. It's very tricky like that because the way it's designed, you can only live if you lose yourself, if you only terrify yourself, if you only take the risk (
Luke 9:24).
I know I keep bringing up this subject but bear with me until I actually live by my own words. Believe me, the same lessons, the same problems keep coming up because you haven't learned from them yet. Do something different and watch, you'll make progress in your life.
And this post doesn't have to pertain to your love life. Apply it to your life in general. You can never know how great you can be if you aren't willing to fall flat on your face sometimes.
I know you don't want to be mediocre. God didn't create you for that. Remember, you are His masterpiece!!!! But it isn't going to come easy. It's going to be hard because people are going to try to limit you, and they will succeed only if you allow them to do so. Don't let them. This is your life! You don't need any limits. You can achieve your dreams. Doors will shut in your face, but it is never the end because God can open another door, a window. If He wanted to, He can build you another door to a better house. He'll make it happen for you if it is what He plans (
Jeremiah 29:11,
my favorite verse).
Sometimes a genius is mistaken as a fool i.e. Einstein. So yes, I'm gonna go after mine even if it makes me look like a fool, even if others don't think I deserve it or qualify for it. Cause in the end, I only have me and I would like to be doing what I love. And hopefully, be with the person I love best...
