I am my own worst critic because I know me. I know my flaws, my failures, my limitations, my insecurities... I know me, so before I even start, I know where it's going to end because I understand my capabilities and guessed where this story is going to end.
And believe me (or my family and friends) when I (they) say that I don't give myself enough credit. The bad qualities are all I see. The good is minimized, or forgotten therefore, I don't remember the best that lies within.
Which is infuriating because it can't be all bad, I'm still here, standing and breathing. I'm still alive so, there has to be some good. But the accuser in me, the devil in me wants to just dig up the imperfections, unearth the lies and feed me with ugliness until I become unbearable, unworthy, a contradiction to everything He says me to be.
And what am I in His eyes? I am the same as you are to Him.
It's always a battle. I've been struggling for years. It's an ongoing war between my perspective and His. And I am so grateful when He wins because His grace allows me to see what He sees. When I'm able to do that, view myself with no bias, anything seems possible in that minute.
Every day is a choice. I keep forgetting that, thinking I'm strong enough to carry on from yesterday's win, but every morning, when I wake up, it has to be a choice, a decision to hand over all that I was, am and will be over to Him.
Despite of me and because of everything He is, I'm going to succeed even though it looks really dark right now.
I will stumble, I will fall and pout and cry and quit many times but He's going to get me there.
No matter what I think.
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