He cupped my face gently,
Looked straight into my eyes
And smiled, a simple gesture
That gutted and left me
Gambling, gasping, grabbing
For air but I came up empty.
My lungs, naked and thirsty,
Burned with betrayal, angry
That I couldn’t get it together.
“I hate you,” spilled from
My singed throat but still
Hit its mark, softly.
And he didn’t look
Surprised because he
Understood that this was
Very close to the truth.
“I hate you,” I mumbled
Against his shoulder as he
Held me close. Tears
Brimmed my eyes as my
Eardrums resonated with
His heart. I couldn’t do this.
Being this close wasn’t fair.
But I stayed; there was no
Other place that was home.
To me, he was it but for him,
I didn’t know and I didn’t have
The courage to ask. All I could
Muster was the guts to drink in
The proof. And those same
Guts were now on fire and
My tongue was on the loose,
Almost released from the reign of my
Conscience: “I hate you
Because you make me forget.
I never can remember that I can
Row and wade my way through a
Sea of choices. Damn it, I can have
Anyone but I’m swept up in
A current of you. All I want is you.”
But I couldn’t say that. No, I didn’t
Reach that part of the bottle yet.
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