I tell them constantly that they are stuck with me forever and a day (it's actually longer, but I didn't want to scare them off)... They laugh at my proclamation but then they see my face... I'm serious because
My friends ground me.
Whenever doubts and fears encroach my mind, they simply look at me (and see me apparently) and tell me that I'm being crazy, that I have nothing to worry about, shooting down all my invitations to pity parties.
And I like to party! But I can't do it by myself (actually I can, I repeatedly bust a move with no music on).
They refuse to indulge me in nit-picking the person I am. It's kinda infuriating: they have so much faith in me, so much so that I feel like they're the crazy ones. I'm the one who knows my limit. I'm the one stuck with me all day long. I know what I am capable of and what I'm not.
I'm a mess of flaws and insecurities but they see my potential and some have literally shaken me so I can see how great I am. I probably have a few loose screws up there (maybe that's why I'm crazy and can't focus for too long)...
I'm the total opposite of Rachel Berry from Glee.
Rachel knows and hones her potential. Since birth, she has had her mind set on one thing and one thing only: Broadway. She takes dance classes, voice lessons and joins musicals in order to attain her dream. In her mind, she is going to be a star and she prepares herself for that reality. There is no plan B.
It was Broadway or nothing and nothing's staring Rachel down when she chokes at a NYADA audition.
NYADA is her golden ticket to her aspirations. She can't deliver less than perfection but the lyrics she breathed since she was little fails to come forth. Her voice fails her and it dawns on her that maybe she won't get what she wants: to get into the school and onto the pathway towards Broadway.
Rachel's devastated.
With that one disastrous mishap, her whole being was in question. If she can't sing, if she can't perform, then what else is there to do? There is no plan B for Rachel.
I've had many identity crises and I have yet to treat those worries and doubts the way Rachel did.
She sang.
Rachel serenades to her soul. She comforts herself, and although her dreams seem dead and lifeless, she tells herself to keep hoping, to keep holding on, to keep on.
In the beginning scene of that video, Rachel writes: NYADA is my DESTINY!!!
Mind you, she just flopped her one chance of getting admitted. But it wasn't the end for Rachel. She wasn't ready to put a period there. That wasn't going to be her legacy: quitting because she failed that one time. Rachel wasn't ready to let her vision die.
Luckily, I can say the same because of my friends, who keep speaking positive words into me.
This past year, I have tried quitting before I even started many times. There was this one point where I tried to convince myself to try again next time. But the funny thing is, I'm not guaranteed a next time. Today, right now is what I have and I thank God there's a need within me to try today, to try right now.
Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, you'll want to quit and try again another day when you're stronger, older, better, more stable. But why don't you try doing the little you can do today?
It starts with baby steps. I know better than anyone how much you want it, whatever your goal or dream is, now but the process cannot be rushed.
It can be frustrating though and disheartening, especially when it seems like things aren't going your way. But it can't be rushed.
So to pass the time, I'm gonna pick up my own pink and green pom-poms and help cheer myself up, like Rachel does for herself and my friends do all the time for me.
Just think about how far you have come, then get excited to see what else is just around the bend. And while you wait, tell yourself you're awesome and dance.
Well, at least that's what I like to do =) Just don't give up on yourself. You never know when you'll reach your breakthrough.
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