A Magic Trick

It’s imperceptible

A sleight of hand

It’s erosion, the slow

Chipping away from

The ebb and flow of

Those surrounding her.

It’s undeniable: she is

A puppet, a caricature.

She soaked up their

Mannerisms and their

Beliefs and their attitudes

Now she can’t recognize

Herself in the mirror. No,

All she sees are dead eyes

And a rotting flesh. She

Doesn't live here anymore,

Checking out a long time

Ago to usher in worthy

Causes and outstanding

Goals and everything that

Was never her. But she tried

So hard. What a tragedy to

Be left at the edge, wondering

When the hell did it all unravel?

Where was the moment that

Changed everything?

Russian Roulette

And I find myself here

On my knees again

With this heavy weight in my hand

Not sure if I am looking for

Healing or punishment,

Condemnation or redemption

But I remember the last time:

As his fingers woven tightly

Within my hair, he chuckled

Against my pursed lips

And pushed against my disdain,

Making me swallow it

Along with his dick.

Then he pushed and pulled

Pushed and pulled

Creating within me a vacuum

That sucked all my words,

All my defenses, all my reflexes

Into an oblivion, an emptiness,

So vast, so expansive that

He continued plowing, until

With a moan, he came and

Filled me with sustenance

That I didn’t pray for

That I didn’t starve for

That I couldn’t stomach at all.

I was no Eden but he made

A hell out of me, infiltrating

And rewriting my inheritance,

Reactivating those dormant sins

That I tried hard to forget.

That I can’t forget. I can’t

So here I am again,

On my knees again, but

This time I’ll open my mouth

Willingly, and swallow

Its metallic length.

This time, I’ll immediately

Warm up to its cool surface

And accept its seed.

The snake inside is hungry.

Book Deal

          I entered the restaurant and saw Rae sitting by the window with someone.

          That's weird she didn't say another person was joining us, I thought.

          As I came closer to the table, I realized that Rae and Melissa were in an argument. Well, not exactly an argument. Rae was pleading to Melissa about something to which she looked adamantly against. Melissa kept shaking her head to whatever my sister was saying and neither of them noticed my presence.

          I cleared my throat and said, "Hi."

          They both jumped at the sound of my voice and quickly pushed aside their conversation in order to greet me. As I sat down, Melissa signaled the waiter to our table, and he took our orders. Once he left, Melissa asked me about pleasantries and I answered them halfheartedly because my sister took nearly all of my attention.

          Rae was bursting with something. Her eyes glowed with a secret she desperately wanted to share. All the while, Melissa asked me about my day, Rae sat there with a huge grin, barely sitting still in her chair. No one should be that happy and not say anything. Is she pregnant again? At my quizzical look, she opened her mouth but closed it quickly under Melissa's glare.

          Confused, I looked to Melissa and she sighed and said, "The other day, your sister told me that you wrote. Later that week, I happened across the site and believe me when I say this I didn't suspect that you wrote this well. Your blog is amazing, Lindsey. It blew me away."

          "Aww, thanks Melissa."

          Rae began to speak, but Melissa cut her off.

          "Usually bloggers are amateurs at best. But you have an eloquent and mature voice that hooks your loyal followers and I believe can be easily translated to a broader audience."

          "You're really too sweet, Melissa. I appreciate your kind words but..."

          My attention was drawn yet again to Rae. She had her hand pressed against her lips, which were obviously forming a smile. What is up with this woman? And why hasn't she said a word since I've gotten here.

          "So have you thought about making this a career, kid? Melissa asked, bringing me back to the conversation."

          I smiled broadly, and shook my head. It's crossed my mind plenty of times, but like my love life, it was a dream that may never be realized.

          "I've never thought I had the talent to do this professionally. At least not now," I replied.

          Melissa laughed at my response and said, "Don't put yourself down. Your gift is plastered all over this blog, Lindsey. So much so that I am surprised that no one has approached you about a book deal before now."

          Rae was now hopping in her seat and Melissa shot her a look. She froze and started laughing. Her friend couldn't help but share in her obvious joy.

          Then everything made sense. Or almost did because it couldn't be…

          My eyes widened and they both laughed at my incredulous face.

          I closed my gaping mouth and shook my head at their smiles.

          She couldn't be…

          I looked to Rae, "You're not pregnant?"

          She shook her head no.

          Oh God...

          "Lindsey, I would love to have you as a client."

          "Are you serious?" I couldn't possibly… Could I?

          Rae nodded her head vigorously as Melissa said, "You have everything needed, Lindsey…  All you need is me to make this a reality for you, and trust me I can."

          "She can," squealed Rae. "Oh my, yes she can, baby."

          "You really can't keep quiet can you, Rae?" Melissa asked

          She beamed at Melissa and I said, "No, not with something this juicy."

          We all busted into laughter.

          "I'm surprised I lasted this long," Rae said as the waiter placed her food in front of her.